Type 1 diabetes is something my fiancée and I live with every day, but it doesn’t control our lives

When my fiancée Becky and I started dating more than seven years ago, we’d already known each other for a year. I have never been secretive about having type 1 diabetes (T1D), and Becky was well-aware it’s something I deal with on a daily basis. There is a big difference, however, between having a friend with T1D and having a partner with T1D.

Around friends, I tend to joke about T1D more than I bemoan it because humor is how I cope. (A grown man having to drink a juice box before giving a presentation at work: that’s a little funny.) So when Becky and I first started dating, transitioning from joking about it 24/7 to letting her see me change my insulin pump sites and have mood swings from blood-sugar fluctuations was something I had to make a conscious decision to do. You have to let your guard down to let people see those things, so it was not always easy to show that side of my life to the person I was attempting to woo! But I never hid anything, and I was always transparent about what it meant for me to live with T1D.

From the very beginning, Becky just wanted to know what she needed to do and how she could help. We sat down and talked about pumps, hypoglycemia, the stinky breath I get when my blood sugar gets high and what this meant for her. And because I manage my T1D well, she doesn’t have to do a whole lot. But that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be prepared to give me glucagon and a shoulder to cry on when, despite my best efforts, my blood sugar levels just aren’t what I want them to be. So we went over what happens when I get low, where I keep my glucagon injection, how to use it and why I avoid eating pizza and bagels (and, most importantly, pizza bagels).

Becky is incredibly supportive of everything that I do, including encouraging me to participate in a JDRF-funded artificial pancreas clinical trial and work at JDRF. She has helped me raise funds by joining in activities like last year’s JDRF One Walk in Manhattan. She puts my continuous glucose monitor (CGM) in my arm every week, and she gets me juice when my blood sugar gets low. And when my CGM goes off in the night, Becky is the first to wake up. She just wants me to be healthy, so when she suggests I should drink some juice because I’m acting strange, it’s not an accusation; it’s just her caring about me. And I’m lucky to have someone who does! But, when I’m low and not thinking clearly, it can sometimes be hard to remember that.

T1D is just a part of our lives. It’s a bigger part than we want it to be, but it’s there, and as long as we communicate about it openly, it’s not something that gets in the way of our happiness. It’s something we can get pissed about, laugh about, and—as it is a lot of the time— it’s something we don’t think about at all.

Our Life is Pretty Sweet!

by Becky Shapiro

Watching my fiancé manage his type 1 diabetes showed me he can handle any challenge

Brian and I were friends before we started dating, and I always knew he had type 1 diabetes (T1D). But I didn’t really understand how much he had to think about it every day until we started spending more time together. Early in our relationship I had a lot of questions, and we had several long discussions when he explained to me how living with T1D works and what exactly his insulin pump was doing. I was—and still am—amazed at how much thought and calculation have to go into every bite of food he eats.

Now, more than seven years later, Brian and I are engaged and living together, and T1D is still a big topic of conversation—though these days, most of the discussions are about how the clinical trial that he participated in works, what the new pump technology is and what type of exciting research JDRF is investing in. Brian manages his health very independently, which I respect, and as a result of that and the diabetes technology that is out there, T1D actually doesn’t have a huge effect on our day-to-day relationship. This Valentine’s Day, I’m looking forward to going out to a nice dinner and giving Brian a big bag of the gummy candy he loves (which I think is gross!).I know that, thanks to his T1D management, he’ll be able to enjoy it all just as anyone else would.

But, of course, T1D is still always a part of our lives. Even when Brian is doing the best he can, his blood sugar can be unpredictable, which is frustrating for both of us. And T1D does negatively influence our communication sometimes. For example, when he’s getting especially goofy and weird, it doesn’t always go over well if I ask if he’s low. (Brian is a pretty goofy guy all the time, so sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s going on!) And when he’s been especially cranky and uncomfortable because of high blood sugar, and I haven’t reacted well to it, we’ve gotten in fights that we otherwise might not have had.

Another previous point of contention that I’ve learned to accept is that when his continuous glucose monitor alarm goes off in the middle of the night, I’m always the first one to wake up. By now, I’m well-versed in what the monitor’s various beeps and buzzes indicate, and I know that the faster I can wake Brian up and get him to understand what’s going on, the faster I can go back to sleep! (The process usually involves several hearty pokes in the arm.) But I’m glad I can help keep his blood sugar more stable, and that the technology exists to warn us of dangerous lows in the night. Being woken up occasionally is a small price to pay to keep someone I love healthier.

It isn’t fair that my fiancé and so many others have to deal with T1D, but I really admire Brian’s positive attitude in spite of that, and am inspired by him. He’s always so active and excited about life, and he tries hard to never let T1D bring him down. That’s part of the reason I’ll continue to help him raise funds, raise awareness and work toward a cure.