Re: Why Should Diabetics Not Get Married?

Theodoros

The females turn around and drop me faster then snapping my fingers and turn away. Even the parents get involved and think that diabetics cannot have children and should not get married

wow people never cease to amaze me!!! even though im 14 i often think will i be able to have kids with my diabetes and thats the first question my mom asked the dr. when i was DX they assured me it was a yes and that i probably not have t1 kids. so i dont see how the gf would think thats a prob. much less the parent(is it thr business anyways??)

meggs

Theodoros

The females turn around and drop me faster then snapping my fingers and turn away. Even the parents get involved and think that diabetics cannot have children and should not get married

 

wow people never cease to amaze me!!! even though im 14 i often think will i be able to have kids with my diabetes and thats the first question my mom asked the dr. when i was DX they assured me it was a yes and that i probably not have t1 kids. so i dont see how the gf would think thats a prob. much less the parent(is it thr business anyways??)

Sadly, a lot of people assume that if you are diabetic you're always sick and that you can't have kids or if they know you can, that they will be sick and/or diabetic. I think that's the main question I've been asked by the parents of my ex-boyfriends, even if I met them at a time when we hadn't started dating yet. It's sad when people drop outta your life cuz of your diabetes..but it just means that you two weren't meant to be together I guess! and you're probably better off not having someone in your life who thinks that kind thing about your diabetes anyways.

I'm a spouse of a Type 1.  When I met my husband and things started getting serious he told me pretty quickly.  I admit I didn't know much but, it didn't stop me.  I think, in a way, the influence of his diabetes on his personality may have been a positive.  He was more together, responsible and mature than some of the guys I was dating.  It does make you grow up.  We met when I was 25 and he was 27 and he had been diagnosed at 14.

So sorry that has happened to you.  You are better off without that person anyway.  Years ago my boyfriend was told by his close friend's mother, not to marry me because I could not have children.  I heard this story years later and cried for an hour.  It upsets me to this day.  He ignored her advice, I had three children, her sons had zero! 

I've been a T1 for almost 30 years and at the ripe old age of 39 I had my first (and only) child.  I had no medical problems whatsoever during my pregnancy, and my son was born with a normal BG level.  My docs all told me that he has no greater chance of getting T1 than any other person, and so far (he's almost 2) he's normal.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they're all right!

So know that you can have a completely normal pregnancy, as long as you keep your BG's in check the whole time.

Theodoros,

I hate that you have experienced such prejudice. My mother is a T1 and she has two children! I am a T1 and I am married! These women are not worth your time nor do you have the time to waste explaining to them that you are fully capable to do what ever it is you want to do. Not all women or men care if you have diabetes. You just haven't met the right person. It will come to you though :)

I was dating my boyfriend before I was diagnosed. But, I think that it made our relationship better.

I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and 8 months now and we've talked about possible marrage and kids.  It isn't a big deal.  He supports me on anything I do, and he is even more supportive about my diabetes.  He loves me and he wants me to be happy and healthy.  I am only 15, so I know that our marrage is most definatly not set in stone..or even sand.  But I do know that there are people out there that would be happy to marry a diabetic and to have kids.  Its a cruel world, but when the wall gets put up you have three choices:  go around it, jump over it, or throw a rock at it and watch it fall down....(I choose the last one..) :)

So wonderful to see so many really positive posts here and from many young people!

I think that as time goes on, more and more people are getting educated about diabetes. That is really the way to combat such inaccurate ideas... education.

Theodoros,

I was late settling down and dating is hard and it’s harder still when the finances get tight.  I got to the point where I would make sure the diabetes came up on the first date.  Dinner was an easy segue, as I went to give insulin it was only natural to mention what I was doing.  I ended a number of encounters that way and thank heaven I did.

I can’t tell you it’s easy without lying to you but I can tell you it is worth staying in the game, taking care of yourself, setting ridiculously high standards and not compromising them.  I say this as someone who has been married a few years now (5) and has two sons 2 ½ years and 6 weeks of age at the time of this posting. 

I don’t know you but I sure feel for your struggle and I can’t wait to hear the rest of your story some years from now…

Cheers!

A-D

This kind of stuff upsets me, being a diabetic is hard enough! You can't even help it and it's just so terrible that someone would change their feelings about you because you have diabetes. About the whole kids getting it thing, anyone can get diabetes! I mean yeah a diabetic's kid will have a higher risk, but still. Someone should love you for who you are, not what you are. Diabetes is not as terrible as people think. Yes it is dangerous but it's controllable. I'm sorry about what happened. However, those women certainly aren't good people if they can't accept something like that. Just wait for that right one, she'll come. :)

I'm diabetic and have been married twice (still am presently).  Be careful what you ask for.

In all my dating years I never had a woman freak out and dump me over it.  Most of them welcome the opportunity to look after you!

I've been lucky to never have this problem, but I'm sure you're not the only one. I have a friend (a guy) who has experienced the same thing. Diabetes should not be an issue with your future wife-- anyone who has a problem is misinformed about the disease. My future husband and his family have all been so accepting, his mom is even doing a diabetes walk later this year. Before anyone can judge, take the time to educate them about diabetes. That's what I did with my fiance when he asked about my insulin pump. He thought it was cool and that I was brave. There are plenty of married diabetics here on this site, so maybe girls just use D as an excuse for "I'm too ignorant and scared so I'll just bail".

Oh, I'm so sorry this happened to you.  I have never had a guy leave me because of diabetes.  My fiance is very supportive and does his best to help me control my diabetes when I need it. There are a lot of people out there who are not phased by diabetes.  You will find the right woman for you.

I did once have a boyfriend's mother tell him that he should not date me because I was diabetic.  Thankfully I never met her in person, or I probably would have been hard pressed to keep my thoughts to myself.  :-)

Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens.  Some people just can't handle being with someone diabetic, either emotionally or mentally.

I was with someone for 7 years.  We were engaged to be married.  I have been diabetic since I was 6, so he'd never known me NOT diabetic.  And I never thought it was an issue.  Until I found out he was cheating.  He later admitted he purposely 'sabotaged' the relationship because he couldn't deal, emotionally, with my diabetes and the effects it might have on me in the future (shortly before that I'd been diagnosed with retinopathy and had to have a vitrectomy).  I think he also had 'bad' visions of what diabetes could do because he had two grandparents with Type 2, who never cared for themselves, and essentially died from complications.  Despite me caring for myself, he couldn't handle the thoughts of what COULD happen.  (And he never talked to me about it.)

Now I am with someone who seems much more willing and able to handle it.  I've talked quite frankly with him about it and if he's ready to accept handling whatever comes our way in terms of my diabetes.  He's stuck by me, and he's my biggest 'cheerleader' for continued good control.  He understands the stresses diabetes adds to my life, and he's supportive.

Finding the right person is not easy, but it is possible.  It will happen for you!