Never thought I'd be here
I am a diabetic of 27 years, I was diagnosed at 5 years old. Recently I’ve felt really depressed, not that I am a diabetic, but it seems like nobody who is close to me sees me as a diabetic (including my wife and my parents since I was 16). I do understand that this is something that I have to deal with and that it’s nobody else’s “problem”, but sometimes it’s nice to be asked if I’ve taken my insulin or eaten. Even more to help me try to figure out my highs and lows. I know that’s what doctors are for, but with everything I have to pay out for I can’t even cover 20 for a visit, which is why I’m on N and R since I don’t need a script for those. Just looking for some support and understanding.
I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. It’s true that you are the one who has the burden of figuring out your highs and lows, etc., but it sounds like you need some compassion from those close to you. I have similar feelings sometimes when I realize that NO ONE gets how hard it is to deal with. I’ve had type 1 for 34 years. People I know see me test and take shots but beyond that they see me as a normal, healthy person. They don’t see anything different when my BG is high, and they can’t know how it feels to be hypo. They don’t see me constantly calculating what I should eat and how much insulin to take, worrying about whether I can exercise, drive or do anything without getting lows, stressing about long-term complications, etc. It’s constantly there for us, and will always be. It’s overwhelming and not many people understand. I was lucky that when I was diagnosed my best friend already had diabetes. We’re still close friends and it makes all the difference in the world having someone to talk to who gets it. Do you know any other type ones? Is there a local group you could get in touch with? Having an online community is great but it really helps to have a personal acquaintance or friend.
i’ve been doing this for a while as well – and there are a lot of us here who understand. If I had to guess, I would guess that either you have it so together that no one thinks you need help, or your throwing off some kind of “keep out” to your closest family.
in the first case, take it as a compliment. you must seem like you are in control and are no in any kind of distress. People in control and not in outward or obvious distress seldom get any kind of help.
In the second case, it’s really how you treat people who have approached you. My wife doesn’t really ever ask me if I’ve taken my insulin, but when I am all sweaty and I have my head in my hands and a empty juice glass next to me – she’ll ask if I am okay or need anything. I’ve learned that if i need something from my family, I might have to ask instead of hinting.
anyway I am glad you are here on T1N and I hope you like this site.
I truly understand what you are going through. For the longest time, I didn’t think anyone else felt how I’ve felt off and on. The first 20 years of being a T1D I was intensely private about my “condition”. I developed it as young adult and was already out on my own. No one in my family understood it and most everyone else didn’t even know that I had it. I literally hid when I tested my bg levels and took injections. When I’d be fatigued from highs, most people thought it was stress from being a new mother and from dealing with my ex-husband who is from a very volatile country. My parents would say, “no one told you to marry him.” Whew. Type 1 is a difficult illness and even certain doctors don’t always understand it. But, just think of how long we’ve dealt with this and we’re still alive! Yay! Nowadays I am no longer embarrassed to talk about it, and I’m trying to raise awareness of it. I’ve reached out to someone who has a teenager with Type 1, and I’ve also talked to hospital groups about my experiences. It was hard for me, but reaching out to others has really helped my depression/anxiety and the feeling of loneliness. In my eyes, Type 1 diabetics are extra strong human beings…but we are human beings, and we need emotional support from others. It took me awhile to accept that:) I wish you the very, very best. -Debra
@Tillie I am definitely going to take your advice and find a group or community to join. Unfortunately I am the only T1D I know. Well….guess I can’t say that now. lol. :).
@joe: I never thought about people thinking that I’ve got it together. I never lead on or really live like I have T1D (other than my eating habits. lol). I do so very much appreciate the kind word from all of you though. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone.
@ Debra. It is true that we have been making this work for a long time now, and we’re still here. We are strong we deal with what everybody else deals with plus the fact that everyday is like a science experiment on top of that. It’s very overwhelming.
I think a big part of this is due to my Grandmother. She died at 33, I’m 32 now and it’s scary to think about that. I do take better care of myself than she did, or so I’m told, but the fear is still there. Like the prayer goes.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.” -Niebuhr-
often times knowing the difference is the hardest part.
I can so relate… some days I’d just like someone in my family to call and check in, ask how I’m doing or even be able to listen. It’s a deep sadness that comes up time to time. I cover it up and be upbeat but today I felt really low within, I live alone and manage OK but after a bad hypo this morning.. feel quite defeated.
When I saw your post i didn’t feel so isolated, a little better so thank you.
I’m new to the site and a dunce online, plus dyslexic.. It’s a grand life hey?
But I hope you know sharing has helped….
YES Type1, means having to be strong… I ask myself how can I cope sometimes? How to keep going? Do I need to have a flag sitting waiting in the kitchen, a RED Flag that when I’m feeling like I need TLC I can just damn well wave my flag, even if I live alone.. open the back door and wave.. over here.. over here… Just to Acknowledge.. my strength, my heartbreak, the need for TLC or kindness and gentleness..that I’m managing but it damn hard this 24/7. Keep it in my kitchen… and if anyone asks? Hummn thats for the RED flag days…. when I need to acknowledge,when I need to take extra care. YES, I think I’ll go and buy myself or make a little RED flag..for on those days when I’m not feeling so brave. Have laugh…. with myself and others.. fair warning I’d say.. LOL
Take care and thanks for inspiring..
I really get it man. My Doctor, friends, and parents all talk about ho easy this condition is to manage, and say it’s no big deal, and TBH, this gets old
Hang in there