sofight2000

High = Hate

Sofia — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 17:06:00 GMT

A this moment, i have been in the blood sugar range of 260-280 for more than 12 hours. I haven't exactly been counting but I know it's been at least that long. I have come to realize that being emotional is one of the symptoms of having high bg but I usually have it under control. I feel it but I never show it, or do my best to make sure I don't. And I'm mostly angry at myself, but I mostly just mope around. I think I am beginning to hate myself. I have had high readings for a long time now and I know it's not my insulin, it's me. I just keep snacking between meals and there is still candy from Halloween laying around and my marching band foundraises by selling cookie dough so e have like a million 3-pound tubs of flavored GORMET cookie dough filling up our fridge waiting to be distributed. I really think I hate myself. I know what I have to do. I just refuse to do it. I simply refuse to eat the right foods. I simply refuse to keep my bg at 90 or 120 or wherever it is after my meal right before I decide to eat some crap. Why can't I fix myself? I just won't do it. I can't. I hate it. So much.

Books

Sofia — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 02:01:00 GMT

I am attempting to write a book. But looking at the bigger picture, I am attempting to be an author. I feel that being a full-time author would be the most convenient job for be to have with my diabetes, or with anything I've ever wanted to do. I can just write and I write anyway so I'd have the flexible schedule I want and I'd be writing. But I know it's really hard to get there. It takes a long time to get there and I may not even get there. I'm really trying but I don't know what's wrong. I want to be able to live on my own even for just a little while. I just want to not be hungry or have anything to do or any other people who exist to make me think about them for one whole day. I want to be secluded for a very short amount of time and get something for myself done so I will feel at peace and then I can give my full concentration to the outside world. I just want to read and write for a big chunk of time by myself. But that can't happen because I need people around me all the time. It feels like I'll never really be able to be on my own ever because I'll always have diabetes and there's the chance that I can just slip into a coma and not even know it. I know that's drastic but I'm so aggravated with myself right now because I can't even take care of myself without someone having to help me. I hate having to be so dependent.

I just want to write and read and sleep right now...

Getting Supplies

Sofia — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 02:35:00 GMT

Getting supplies... it's not hard, but it's TIME CONSUMING!!!! omigod the place where we go to get my prescriptions refilled (better living now) has the stuff. and they (almost - NOT REALLY) get the job done.. but they're RUH-tar-deD!!!!!!!!! they know NOTHING! i had to get a new testing kit thing because my insurance got a better deal with the accu-check aviva although i am accustomed to the freestyle lite testing kit. So with the accu-check the lancing device has a lancet drum which can hold 6 lancets. Since the freestyle one is made so that you have to insert a new lanset each test, i didn't know if you put the lansets in the drum or what happened. So when i figured out that the drum has lansets in them, i was REALLY upset. They didn't give me ANY MORE DRUMS!!!! OMIGOD why do these people have to be so STUPID?!?!?!? they told me that i could use the same lansets for this lancing device but never specified that i had to keep using the old lancing device! I'm very upset at them because i like my old tester better and the new lancing device better, but i have the new tester and the old lancing device! My mom and I feel that people should choose jobs they they can actually do according to their intellect.

Summer

Sofia — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 23:16:00 GMT

Well, school is fading to the blackness as this year's scene is coming to an end. Summer is so close that I can taste the sugarfree ice cream waiting for me! I am feeling very confident about next year and that i will have more control over my sugars. I really believe that sports will be easier and i won't let diabetes or anything get in my way. In the middle of the year, I was diagnosed with t1 and since then have freaked out over highs and got everyone else freaked out at one epic low (47 and i couldnt move). But now i am balancing on top of a fence with only one foot and im comfortable there now. I was going to fall many times but now i am poised like a crane there, ready for vacation and a summer when i will just say no - to unnecessary sugar intake lol. As the conclusion of the week comes and finals are soon over, i am taking a breath of relief that i made it though this year with t1. I feel like I'm ready for anything. But really, what i'm ready for is the first day i can SLEEP IN!!!

Life

Sofia — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 19:37:00 GMT

I love how on this site you can forget all the rest of your problem and focus on just one of them. Hopefully so that it might not seem like a problem anymore. But sometimes my other problems seem to supersede diabetes. You know when something really horrible happens and when you think about it you could have cared less if anyone told you it was happening to them, but when it happens to you, it really sucks. Well, that is what I feel like now. And BLAH i just want to go to sleep! And on top of that, diabetes is still creeping up to top annoyance (although it's not quite there yet) because I keep taking more and more lantus at night and NOTHING ever seems to be enough. I started out with 1 unit and now I'm up to 7!!!! And guess what??? an hour after lunch, my BG was 220!!!! I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING! I ate everything I said I would and nothing more. Usually my Humolog covers the meal and I took the right dosage, but that's not enough because to regulate my diabetes, I'd have to travel to heaven and back first.

I think I need one of those stress-relieving "sounds of the coean" CD's or something because just talking about it is not working like it should.

OH! and i forgot to mention that on top of all of that again, i got a really painful sunburn

Field Trip

Sofia — Sun, 23 May 2010 01:43:00 GMT

I went on a 12 hour field trip today. I had a lot of fun, although it was tiring. My numbers we 130 to 100 all day, which is really good. then, I came home and I was 293, which is bad. it's pretty high for me. ehhhh. i have to test soon to make sure im going down again. diabetes is really annoying sometimes. I mean I know i had more sugar than i was supposed to but blaaaaaaah. I dont like all this testing and stuff. ugh its not even 10:00 and i feel like i just pulled an all-nighter. Test, lantus, brush teeth, sleep! =]

At the Dinner Dance

Sofia — Sat, 22 May 2010 03:13:00 GMT

Today, I went to the dinner dance thing for my band. I was obviously going to eat my dinner there and my mom came and everything. It was a lot of fun. But what really ticked me off was when I was almost grounded because I wouldn't go to the bathroom to give myself insulin. My mom told me that giving myself a shot right in front of everyone was "not what normal people do." I don't think I'm ever going to forget that. It was probably the most horrible thing I've heard in a long time. How could she say that? Why do I have to get up and go to a disgusting bathroom and give myself a shot when I could just do it at a table? Honestly, I'd do it in front of anyone and if they were talking to someone else, they probably wouldn't even notice. But why would I care, let alone my mom care, about who sees me injecting myself with a synthetic hormone? Hmm... "not what normal people do" normal. normal. normal....