efeinste

Ode to Insurance

Elie — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 11:09:44 GMT

Oh, insurance,

how can I thank you

for all you've done, for all

you're doing now

and will do?

What can I tell you

that you don't

already know?

What can I say

that hasn't

been said

before?

I suppose it's

the automated messaging system

(above anything else)

that captured my heart,

the endless prompts to

enter just

the numeric portion

of my member ID,

to enter my birth date,

to enter it

again.

I suppose

it's your charm that's

kept me coming back for more,

as if I didn't have enough addictions

without your sweet, sweet love.

I suppose it's the way

your customer service reps

- true Americans, I daresay -

ask whether I'd like to be

placed

on hold

or whether I'd prefer to be

placed

on hold,

but I can never decide these things,

(no, not I)

and so we flip a coin

and watch it

as it

twirls through the air,

pauses,

then, then -

I suppose you're right

that I get coverage for

my pump

supplies

and right again

that there are no

- and I repeat with excessive amounts of emphasis, no

in-network providers who

carry pump supplies

and that that,

my friend,

is a damn shame,

one worth writing poetry about

or, at the very least,

punching

in-

an-

imate

object.

But I'm not

the sort of fellow

who goes about

punching things,

and so I'll

take a stab

at this thing called poetry,

I suppose.

Discipline

Elie — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 19:54:00 GMT

I don't know about the rest of you, but I've always had a really difficult time consuming only what I need to fix lows. When I'm low I get the urge to eat A LOT. And for year I've struggled with restraint. (I only have trouble restraining myself when I'm low. Part of the reason is the fear of being low and getting lower, which creates a number of irrational impulses. The other part is the seemingly insatiable hunger.)

...anyway, this is just to say I think I finally conquered that feeling. The rational voice in my head has finally won out, and I feel pretty damn good. I think it's largely due to the experience of knowing that I'll be high, what that will feel like...that X grams of sugar are really enough to correct a BG of Y...and so on. Some people call it conditioning. I call it discipline.

Day 5 - If There Were a Cure

Elie — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 17:51:52 GMT

I'm not sure how or even if I would celebrate if there were a cure. It's not something I think about much. In fact, I hadn't really thought about it at all until I saw a few posts about it on this site. To be completely honest, I have no idea how I'd react, though I think it's safe to say I'd be in a state of shock for a good week or two, and that's not because I have or have not anticipated there being a cure in my lifetime. It's because I wouldn't really know what such an event would mean for me. Like so many members of this site, I do not let Diabetes define the whole of me. But surely, it would be an outright lie to say it doesn't even define a part of me. And with the reality of a cure, I would, for a while at least, be more consumed with the question of who I am, and who am I going to be?

Day 4 - What I Have Learned

Elie — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 19:01:30 GMT

Hmmm. What have I learned about myself since being diagnosed with diabetes?

Well, certainly I've learned a lot over the course of the past 7 years with regard to Type 1. I apologize in advance for the anaphorism.

I've learned how to count carbs and inject insulin. I've learned how to fix a high or a low. I've learned how to freak out new aquaintances in public settings and unknowingly perpetuate rumors that I have a serious drug problem and am in need of an intervention.

I've learned what it's like waking up in the ER after losing consciousness and I've learned how much I need the people who got me there. I've learned that pump therapy is without a doubt superior to multiple injections, and if I hadn't been so pigheaded about the idea of being a cyborg I would have switched over a whole lot sooner.

I've learned that exercise is a beautiful thing, and that health isn't a part-time gig. I've learned that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and might I add diabetes has yet to kill me (haha YOU do the math).

I've learned a teensy weensy (is it just me, or does that look wrong?) bit about who I am, and if everything goes according to plan I'll learn maybe learn a little bit more =)

Day 3 - Acrostic

Elie — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 19:30:47 GMT

Dude,

I didn't realize how many carbs there are in

A single spoonful of

Blueberry jam. Now,

Everything's spinning - like a

Top - and it'll be a while now before

Everything is

Still.

Day 2 - The Diabetes Police

Elie — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 03:36:47 GMT

First off, I almost forgot I committed myself to this short series of blog posts. Good thing I remembered. I'm not sure what the consequences would be, but better to follow through, ya know?

So, what is it I would like to say to the diabetes police? Well, honestly, nothing really. That's not because I have no beef with the police. It's because they simply haven't bothered me in AGES. In fact, due to the recession the police department was forced to lay off virtually ALL of its employees. Word has it the only person still at the headquarters is a middle-aged woman who goes by the name Officer Mom. Of course, she's so busy with paperwork she hardly has the time to roam the streets looking for scoundrels like me.

Lol. I think you get the point.

Oh, and hats off to Officer Mom for making the best oatmeal, chocolate chip cookies a convict's ever had.

Day 1 - Haiku

Elie — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 17:09:01 GMT

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Check your sugar, ass.

Disability Isn't the Thing Disabling Me

Elie — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 16:32:56 GMT

After my honeymoon phase ended roughly two years after my diagnosis, my diabetes became more and more of a challenge to manage. I had highs. I had lows. I had zigzags and plateaus. But after a year or two, everything began to coalesce. Everything started to make sense. I had changed from multiple injections to the OmniPod, from the OmniPod to Medtronic's Minimed Paradigm (best decision ever!) No longer was I consumed with the knowledge and existence of my diabetes. It slid more and more to the periphery of my life, my concerns, my consciousness.

What I began to realize is that although diabetes is often thought of as a disability (and for important legal reasons), it IS NOT the thing disabling me. Sure, there is nothing more frustrating than waking up high (or low), especially when you need to be somewhere immediately. There is nothing more frustrating than having your plans dashed, counting carbs, getting tangled in the umbilical cord of your pump in the middle of the night, injecting early enough to prevent that unwanted spike, or, conversely, injecting and then realizing the food is all gone.

But, despite its many difficulties (and its cost), diabetes is completely manageable. I hear people talking about technological advances. I hear people talking about better treatment, a cure... And that's all great. If there is a cure, I'll be the first in line. But if there isn't, I'd be just as content...

No. Diabetes is NOT the thing disabling me. The thing disabling me is the misunderstanding and indifference of certain people and organizations. Currently, I am preparing to apply to law school. I was supposed to take the LSAT (Law School Admissions Test) on June 6th but the LSAC (Law School Admissions Council) denied me my accommodations. Just to be clear, I did not ask for much. All I requested was the ability to check my blood sugar between the 35-minute sections and to, if necessary, have the time to correct. That is all. Furthermore, I provided ample documentation. And as I write this I am waiting to hear back from them in what I am certain will become an enormous thread of e-mails.

I could go into excruciating detail describing my current predicament, but the details are beside the point. All I want to say here is what I've already said twice now. Diabetes is NOT the thing disabling me. Society is. In this case, the Law School Admissions Council is. I have taken numerous practice tests and done very well. I know that with the appropriate accommodations I would score around the 95th percentile. But LSAC either does not understand or does not care.