Drew21

Untitled?

2009-10-12T01:00:00Z

I've let my self fall again, the state of mind im different in, the place I cant seem to win, an unbound state of depression... but this way of life, has become my obsession, is he trying to teach me a lesson? it seems that way, they cant even tell me why it happened, and I seem to only write, just when I need to vent, my free spirit leaks out of me, and I feel this feeling of contentment, with a side of resentment. They tell me its going to be alright, but you dont live with this, you dont toss and turn at night, dont tell me its not a struggle, its an everlasting war, That I will ALWAYS fight. Like a dependency on drugs, I need it to survive, they tell me normal people would die, if it reached there insides, does this make me an addict? These injections that im faced with? every time I eat, before I go to bed, with dreams of a normal life... poisoning my head. Nightmares is more like it, you tell me it goes away, Id like to see you try this, every day people repeating, eventually it will catch up with you, you cant take that in, Just one time I ask... Dont tell me what to do. because you think you know, but you have no clue, please just once, spend a day in my shoes, its hard as HELL to live like this, knowing that every single attempt, Is always hit and miss. Just one time Id like to hear, "im so proud of the way you handle yourself", God, I think itd bring a tear to my eye, it might even help. But it seems like we always want to see, the bad side of everything, but in reality, everyone is probably just as scared as me. I pray everynight for the motivation, to live as well as I can on a day to day basis. So I say this to all of you who know my struggle, of that day to day, mind wrenching battle, hang in there and just reach out for eachothers hands, we can always do this, I know we can.

I just wrote that, In one of those moods haha. Let me know how you feel about it.

Looking at my self in 5 years

2009-10-08T06:04:00Z

So Ive been thinkin a lot about where my life is going to lead me, and before about 6 months ago or so, my diabetes never even came to mind. This kind of bothers me because, it should be one of the first things that comes to mind when I think about the future. My A1C, my control, my health, how well am I actually doing. So recently, when I write out my goals (weather it be on my mirror or on paper) There is atleast two things concering my diabetes. I know it may sound corny, but you have to beleive it before it can happen. You have to picture yourself there with a great A1C, with great control, being healthier everyday of your life, and ever sicne Ive started doing this, I can already see a change in my numbers ( for the better ). So be sure when you think ahead, look at your future, or decide what you want to do. Make sure you include your diabetes, because it will always affect everything you become.

Is fear whats driving me?

2009-09-25T03:12:00Z

I sometimes thinnk it is. I dont think its such a bad approach to take, sometimes. Here is what scares me, and sorry if this beginning part gets confusing haha

My second cousin who is 31 has had type 1 since she was 13, and the same as her little sister who is now 28. Their dad (my geat uncle) who is in his 60's now is also type one, has had it for quite sometime and his little brother (my great uncle also) passed away almost 4 years ago at the age of 52 from a heartattack, which we beleive was caused by his diabetes and lack of care and diet over the years. R.I.P. we miss him every day.

Now my cousin who is 31 had a heart attack about 7 months ago, at the age of 31 let me remind you. This scares me so much, not for myself but for her. She almost passed away at the age of 31 and I wish I could do something to help. This was one of the worst days that I can remember having in a long time, you just nver know what is going to happen. Im not sure if it was lack of care or exercise, but she had a heart attack at 31, Thank God she is ok. Now after my great uncle who passed, and my grandma (my two uncles' sister) died at 56 from a heart attack. This makes me think, well my cousins take pretty good care of them selfs (from what I know) and this kind of stuff is happening and the family history of heart problems we have.

I just get so scared sometimes and think, no matter what I do, something is bound to happen because of this damned disease (pardon my language). I want her to be okay, I want my family members to be okay, I want all of you to be okay, but is it one of those things that we just have to understand, that well, this is evidently the outcome we are going to get? I dont want to go early and it keeps me up late at night. Im so worried about her and the rest of my family being okay and I wish I could just do something for them, and I know there is nothing I can do but pray for them and do what I can on my end. They are all great people that I love having in my life, especially for support and everything else. I dont want this to decide my fate, or any one elses fate, Im always told we can live normal lives, but 31/heart attack is not normal and I pray every night that it wont happen again and that she starts to become healthier.

I know that fear should be the last thing driving me to take care of my self, because the negativity of fear can bread more negativity and thats just never a good thing. I want more positive motivation and Im looking for it, its just so hard to find some times.

WELL IM BACK

2009-09-22T03:28:00Z

Haha, well it's been a while since I have been on this site, I think since December? ( I kind of forgot my username and password! haha) Im hoping this place has grown in numbers, I love the idea and im going to get as many people on here as possible with diabetes. We all need to know eachother, we all need to help eachother, we all need to be there and support eachother. So its good to be back, and I look forward to getting to know as many people as I can!

A little about what I have been doing.... I am currently in school getting my NSCA-CPT certification, which is my Personal Training certification. My goal is to become a "diabetic" personal trainer, and help as many people with diabetes, type one and two, as I can. Im also going to get some form of a nutrition liscense when I am done with this school, I have about 10 months left, with huge dreams pushing me along.

I just had a golf tournament on sunday called the Golf to Cure Diabetes, my first attempt at a golf outing. Let me tell you, it was not pretty, and I have a lot to learn about running a golf outing! hahaha. But on the positive side, I managed to raise 500, and with this and the 500 for the walk, that puts me at 1000 on the year, putting me a little over 2000 in the past two years. And my goals for next year are much higher!

Well this is a little bit of whats been goin on, ill be on here daily now, with some updates, talkin to everyone and just hangin out. Hope to hear from everyone soon!

Andrew

The beginning of my story. enjoy :)

2008-11-26T18:00:00Z

So this will probably be my first of many blogs. I have been a Type 1 Diabetic for almost three years now. I was diagnosed on January 23, 2006, 12 days after my 18th birthday. I was a senior in highschool, and the starting pointguard on my highschool basketball team. This was one of the worst experiences of my life. From about November untill the day I was diagnosed I had lost almost 40 pounds, sick every day, and could not perform to the best of my abilities in the sport that I love, which was the most frustrating part. Waking up every morning, not only feeling terrible because its hard to move, and you dont know why you cant, but also the feeling that the one true thing in life (basketball) has not only slowly gotten worse, but its a daily struggle to just survive through practice. So many days I would stay up late thinking, is this something I did, am I doing something wrong? or is there really something wrong with me?

So January 23, 2006, probably one of the greatest days of my life. Yes I know, that sounds crazy, the greatest day of my life you ask? Yes, because its the day all the questions were answered. All the depression, and struggles with myself for the past few months, everything was finally resolved. Now, the fact that I almost went into a coma, yeah that sucked and the way I felt also sucked, but this was still the greatest day of my life. That morning I took a shower and almost fell over twice because I was so dizzy and shaky. I got out and told my dad that I was sick of how I felt and I needed to go to the doctor now, I cant go on like this any more. So, he took me, and long story short, my blood sugar was 821 and I was imediatly taken to the ER. Let me tell you, once they got that first thing of insulin in me, and all you diabetics know what im talking about, I didnt use the bathroom for almost 13 hours. Now 13 hours compared to almost every hour on the hour for the past 3 months, is an amazing feeling haha. But just being able to see better, not having a numbing feeling in your legs all the time, not being so thirsty... and most of all KNOWING WHAT WAS FINALLY WRONG! all the feelings of depression and confusion all gone, and just a sigh of releif for me and my whole family.

Its amazing how much better I felt in just the 50 some odd hours I was in the hospital.

I hope who ever reads this can either relate or understand in some way. Ill be continuing to write probably a little later today or tomorrow, all comments and feedback are welcome, and I want to try to share experiences and thoughts with everyone on a daily basis. So ENJOY :) and Ill be back very soon.